Does Porn Lead to DistRUST – Part 1
If anyone is into decorating trends you will know that there has been and still is a big market for old rusty pieces of whatever. And sometimes it seems the rustier the better. I kid you not, I actually saw an offering up for purchase on one of the popular craft sites for, “144 very rusty safety pins” and packaged in none other than a Ziplock bag just begging for someone to take them and fashion something creative with them.
Now I’m sure someone, somewhere, somehow, must be looking for such an item and will be able to transform those dirty disintegrating pins into something. I say, “Good Luck! And more power to them.”
I bring this up to give you something to think about. Let’s say you were out somewhere and you popped a button in a very obvious place and you were trying to find anybody that happened to have a safety pin and lo and behold you found that one person that had the Ziplock bag of rusty pins and they offered you one. How willing would you be to put that dirty rusty pin through your nice white shirt you had on. Not very I’m sure.
Why? Because the quality and original purpose of the safety pin had been compromised. The pin was no longer intact because of the rust that had been allowed to set in and overtake the working order of the pin. Somehow the integrity of the metal which usually is a sturdy material had been damaged and you would only wreck your shirt by trying to shove that rusty pin through it.
You might be wondering why in the world would I be talking about rusty old pins. Well, it’s not really about the pins, it’s all about the rust. Just bear with me a little longer and you will see where I am going with all of this.
Switching gears a little, (okay, a lot)! I want to talk a bit about relationships, specifically a marriage relationship. I think it is safe to say that most people that marry do so with a hope of having a truly loving and lasting marriage or in other words — a healthy marriage.
And while there are numerous key elements to successfully accomplishing and enjoying a healthy marriage, I would like to touch on a couple of those elements that I believe are crucial to achieving just that.
INTIMACY – This is the real HEART of the relationship
Real spousal intimacy is physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual closeness that is mutually satisfying. It is the meeting of two souls. It means being able to express and experience the love, care and affection of each other together. There is a feeling of genuine warmth, closeness and connection between partners. I heard it explained once this way — ‘In-to-me-see’ — a blending of your heart with another so you can “see into” who they really are, and they can “see into” who you are.
You are probably wondering about sex right? Well, even though we have coined the phrase, “Being intimate” as meaning “having sex” in reality real intimacy is more than sex. Yes, having sex is an intimate expression, but it is not intimacy.
TRUST AND HONESTY – This is the CORE of the relationship
Husbands and wives who trust each other do so because they believe that their spouse is honest and can be trusted. They feel that their partner treats them fairly and justly. They can count on each other to be there as promised and to help when needed. Spouses who are honest, share information that is truthful and do not withhold information that is essential for a healthy relationship. They don’t pretend to know something that they do not know or to be someone who they are not.
Honesty not only helps us avoid harmful breaches of trust, but it allows us to live in reality as opposed to fantasy and to share this reality with someone else. Honesty in relationships makes us feel secure because we know where we stand with each other.
FIDELITY – This is the PROMISE of the relationship.
Spouses are faithful when they do not cross sexual or emotional boundaries with others outside the marriage. Sexual fidelity refers to having exclusive sexual relations with your own spouse. However, do you realize that you can be emotionally unfaithful? Emotional infidelity has three components:
- Emotional intimacy – Having a deep and passionate connection with another person and may include confiding in that person information that is not shared with the spouse.
- Secrecy – Involves hiding from the spouse aspects of a relationship with another person outside the marriage for fear that it may jeopardize the relationship with the spouse.
- Sexual chemistry with someone outside the marriage – Having a sexual attraction to another person.
There is something increasingly pervasive in our society and it has the potential to undermine these three very important elements of a healthy relationship — and that would be the use of pornography. In fact, it not only has the potential to undermine, it has caused great harm if not totally destroyed all three elements in many marriages.
PORNOGRAPHY
How to define what pornography is. It can mean different things to different people. Here is the full definition of pornography from the Merriam – Webster dictionary:
- the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
- material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
- the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction <the pornography of violence>
So, there you have it, the definition. Just the words alone seem a little innocuous (not harmful or offensive) right? After all, porn has been around for thousands of years you might say. Well, it might have been around that long but you would have to be comatose not to realize how pornography has invaded our culture and the negative effects it has had on too many relationships. And one would have to agree that the pornography of yesteryear is vastly different from what is available today at a mere click of a button. And countless couples are struggling with how to deal with it in their relationship.
I realize that this is not the best place to end my blog here but there is so much more information I want to share with you that it is going to take another blog. And of course I didn’t explain about the rusty pins either so you really need to check out my next blog to see why I even brought the subject up.
In my next blog I will further explore the challenges that couples face when dealing with pornography in their relationships. However, you do not need to wait to read it until seeking help if this is affecting your relationship now. Please don’t hesitate to call me at (616) 516-1570 to schedule an appointment.
