Social Anxiety – It’s more than just being shy

 

 

With graduating season right around the corner, invites are starting to pour in. Pretty soon we’ll all be making the rounds and eating our fair share of graduation cake (I wouldn’t mind a piece right now come to think of it.) But, catch me after about the fifth one and I’m sure I’ll have a different opinion on that!

You know, for some people this can be quite a stressful time. Not only for the people planning the parties but for the people who have to go to the parties. Just the thought of having to show up knowing there is going to be a crowd of people can make the warning bells start going off.

I’m not referring to someone who is just shy and doesn’t like crowds but to someone who experiences a significant amount of fear — enough so that they would avoid going or endure it with a high level of distress. Someone with social anxiety disorder.

SOCIAL ANXIETY – WHAT IS IT?

Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders and affects between 7 and 13% of the population. People with this disorder tend to feel very nervous or uncomfortable in social situations. They are extremely concerned that they will do something embarrassing or humiliating, or that others will think badly of them. These individuals are very self-conscious and constantly feel like they are “on stage.”

While everyone at some time has felt anxious or embarrassed at one time or another when they were thrown into a situation where they had to meet new people or maybe having to give a public speech, or go to a job interview, people with social anxiety worry about these and other things for weeks before they happen.

They can be afraid of doing common things in front of other people such as eating and drinking, or using a public restroom. Most people know that they shouldn’t be as afraid as they are, but they con’t control their fear. Sometimes, they end up staying away from places or events where they think they might have to do something that will embarrass them. Their high levels of anxiety and fear can even keep them from activities they really would like to engage in. For some people, social anxiety is a problem only in certain situations, while others have symptoms in almost any social situation.

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

Just because you occasionally get nervous in social situations does not mean you have social anxiety disorder. However, if you find that your nervousness is getting in the way of your everyday functioning and is interfering with your normal routine you probably are dealing with social anxiety.

EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS

• Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations
• Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know
• Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation
• Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS

• Blushing or red face
• Shortness of breath
• Trembling or shaking (shaky voice)
• Upset stomach, nausea
• Sweating or hot flashes
• Feeling dizzy or faint
• Racing heart or tightness in chest

BEHAVIORAL SYMPTOMS

Avoiding social situations to such a degree that your activities are limited and life is disrupted
Staying quiet or hiding in the background in order to escape notice and embarrassment
Always having to bring someone with you wherever you go
Drinking before social situations in order to soothe your nerves

SO – WHAT CAN I DO?

People with social anxiety tend to have negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to their anxiety like: “I’m going to say something stupid,” “I’ll get anxious and others will notice,” “They won’t like me,” or “No one will talk to me.” Analyzing and challenging these negative thoughts is one effective way to reduce the symptoms of this disorder.

For example, let’s say you find out you have to give a presentation at work and have been worrying about it. The negative thought that comes to your mind might be: “I’m going to blow it and everyone will think I’m completely incompetent.” You can analyze and challenge that by asking yourself a question about that thought such as, “Do I know for sure that I’m going to blow the presentation?” or “Even if I’m nervous, will people necessarily think I’m incompetent?”

Ask yourself if you are engaging in any of the following unhelpful thinking styles:

MIND READING – Imagining you know what other people are thinking and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.
CATASTROPHIZING – Believing the situation is far worse than it really is.
FORTUNE TELLING – Predicting the future, usually in a negative light, (Just knowing that things are going to go horribly wrong.)
PERSONALIZING – Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what is going on with other people has to do with you.

By logically evaluating your negative thoughts, you can gradually replace them with more realistic and positive ways of looking at social situations that trigger your anxiety. Another helpful thing you can do is to face the social situations you fear rather then avoid them. Avoidance keeps social anxiety disorder going. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it can become.

While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. Start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to something more challenging, building your confidence and coping skills along the way.
The best treatment approach for social anxiety disorder varies from person to person. You may find that self-help strategies are enough to ease your social anxiety symptoms. However, if you have tried various techniques and you are still struggling with disabling anxiety, you may need professional help as well.

Of all the professional treatments available, cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to work the best for social anxiety. It is based on the premise that what you think affects how you feel, and your feelings affect your behavior. SO, if you change the way you think about social situations that give you anxiety, you’ll feel and function better. If you would like some help to overcome your social anxiety please call me at (616) 516-1570 and together let’s get you on the right path of overcoming yours fears!