Happy Holidays or Holiday Blues?
Well, the calendar is telling me that Christmas is right around the corner. However, as I look out the living room window past the twinkling lights on my Christmas tree it does NOT look at all like a Christmas scene. Even a dusting of snow I think would help just a bit.
So, trying to get into the mood a little I broke down and watched one of the Hallmark Christmas movies that some of my friends seem to enjoy and even look forward to this time of year. Okay, I have to tell you, not only was the story line very predictable, but I couldn’t get over how through the whole movie they so generously and strategically had used pure white, fluffy fake snow clumped in various areas in the scenery around town. And then, the real kicker which made me laugh right out loud was an outside night scene between a couple having a very touching and heart felt conversation amongst this too perfect (fake) winter backdrop, I definitely heard crickets chirping. Yes, CRICKETS! I kid you not! And thanks to my DVR I could stop and go back numerous times to make sure I had heard correctly. Only in the perfect world of Hallmark can snow and crickets coexist! I guess that one got past the editors!
The whole experience got me thinking however about the reality of the holiday season.
I have a friend that from time to time will express how she wishes she could go live in a Hallmark card. What she is really saying is that she wishes she could just find a place to live where everything looks perfect and is perfect and where there seems to be no problems.
We all know there is no such place. Real life is about as far from Hallmark’s version as you can get. You want an example of what I mean? Their version of winter is strolling through town with dry sidewalks and pristine white, fluffy snow gently gathered around. Now here’s the real version; Trudging through a parking lot with a loaded down grocery cart that WILL NOT budge through a slop of dirty, wet, cold, grey sludge.
Now please don’t think I’m hating on Hallmark. I’m really not! I’m just using it as an example. You could substitute Disney, Hollywood, fairytales, whatever that is out there that has portrayed situations as this perfect utopia where everything is picturesque and everyone is getting along and loves each other followed up with a perfect ending all the time. I and many others have used these avenues for enjoyment at one time or another. And having a place to escape from reality from time to time can be a good thing. Really!
The Christmas season brings great joy to many people and I too look forward to spending time with my friends and loved ones. And even though I love my friends and family I also know that our gatherings do not nor will they ever look like a Hallmark movie. Why? Because we are real people and real people are not perfect. We have issues, ALL of us.
Andy Williams has been crooning for many years, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” I love that song but unfortunately, for many people, it definitely is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. For various reasons it can be the most depressing and stressful time of the year. Whether it be family dysfunction or loss, financial pressures, end-of-year deadlines, poor eating and drinking habits, or increasingly cold and dark winter days, you can see why the holiday season might not feel so merry and bright.
So for this reason, I’d like to suggest some risk factors that could lead to depression during this season and ways on how to protect yourself.
1. SETTING UP UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
If you are someone who really enjoys going all out for Christmas, then go for it. But for the rest of you, hoping and planning on the picture-perfect Christmas holiday is setting yourself up for disappointment, and maybe potentially even depression.
Even in the most loving families, holidays can bring strife. It’s important to manage expectations during this time and not expect everything to be perfect. Some families might have recently experienced the loss of a loved one so putting pressure on your family to all get along and or to be cheerful could lead to disappointment and added anxiety.
Being mindful of what you do have and being thankful for it can combat those feelings of deficiency and lack.
2. BITING OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW
How much can one person do, really! During the holidays, it’s so easy to want to do EVERYTHING. The problem is, sometimes it is just not possible. Planning the perfect holiday, shopping, baking, invites to parties, trying to fit in all the family gatherings can really put you in a tail spin.
If you are prone to anxiety or depression, stress and even a lack of sleep can take a significant toll on your mood. The heightened pressure and fear of not getting everything done are common triggers for the holiday blues. Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to tell yourself or others, “No”.
4. NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Can we just say, December seems to be the busiest time of the year; When the calendar gets full with social, work deadlines, and family obligations, the routines that normally are in place to keep us healthy and happy are usually the first thing we drop because of time pressures.
In addition to the increased stress, we tend to eat and drink poorly which can exacerbate issues like stress, anxiety, and depression. Don’t overeat or over drink! Continue or take up a regular routine of exercise that will help keep you together now and during the rest of the year.
5. COMPARING YOUR INSIDES TO SOMEONE ELSE’S OUTSIDES
People tend to look at others and perceive them as having a “perfect“ holiday season which then leads them to feelings of emptiness or lack in their own life. It is true that if you are dealing with loneliness, family conflict, loss, breakups, divorce or mental health issues, the month of December can be a particularly difficult time of year for you. Just keep in mind that sometimes your comparisons can be somewhat skewed.
The reality is, most families have issues and most people do not have the “perfect” Christmas that they would like to have. What you see on the outside is the glitzy wrapping. And we all know that sometimes when you open the box, the wrapping is a whole lot prettier than what is inside.
Don’t let the holidays be something you dread. Take the steps necessary to prevent the stress and depression or anxiety that can descend during this time. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers such as those I mentioned above so you can combat them before they overtake you.
If you are really struggling now at this time of year, please don’t hesitate to call me at (616) 516-1570. I would love to help you get back on track to help you get to the place where you too can experience the peace and joy the holidays can bring.
